There are reasons, of course. If you go back and read some of the entries on my old blog, you’ll get a good idea of some of the stresses I’ve been through over the last few years.
I’m not going to go into details, but my stress scores have been well above 200 for the last seven years straight, at least.
I haven’t had a serious illness yet. Whew!
One of the most stressful parts of my life is being in the military, with the incessant assignment changes (and all the stress that comes with moving), deployments, etc. And the insidious part of it is that it makes it difficult to establish and maintain close friendships.
I don’t really have any friends right now. I have people I can joke with, or have a beer with, but no one with whom I feel I can relax and really open up.
I feel very alone.
But here’s the thing: I used to always have someone I could vent to…and I’d complain about work, life, marriage, what have you. But I don’t want to do that anymore. So my lack of friends I can open up to is pretty much self-imposed. I know there are 3-4 people who would be glad to listen to me talk about my problems…but:
1) I don’t want to dump my problems on someone else
2) I don’t want to change any relationship to a whine fest; I have already lost one friend because I complained about my life to her way too much.
3) My wife considers it a betrayal if I talk to *anyone* about our issues.
…but I can’t talk to my wife about our issues, either.
Millions of people apparently go through life fine without being whiners, and aren’t upset about it. They just deal with life. Why can’t I? Why do I feel the urge to go whine to someone?
Sometimes I think I still don’t understand how to be a person.